Scene 14B - Sarah's Past

*************Scene 14B - Sarah's Past*********************

Please note, this entry is a continuation of the commentary for scene 14 - if you haven’t read the previous posting, I suggest you do.  But now to continue…

In the last entry we spoke about commitment to positivity and how this mindset can benefit a recovery process (in this case, Sarah’s recovery).  We will now look at the negativity she recognizes that quickly chases after her positive attitude and the dangers she feels it brings.

In the scene above, after proclaiming her plan of positivity, Sarah is quick to state that part of her motivation for this commitment is a fear of negativity - “because negative energy, it will RUIN you.”  This makes sense - if a positive attitude helps a person, it seems to follow that negative energy will harm a person - yet Sarah doesn’t reflect upon this negative energy as something that exists as part of her recovery - instead she views this negativity as something that hangs on to her from her past experiences.  Sarah does not remember much from her past, but the memory of a negative attitude and a negative life view stays with her - and she wants to be done with it.  No more negativity in Sarah’s life - now she wants a life of only positive energy!

My feelings on this are mixed.  As previously discussed in this blog, a person will necessarily change after brain injury and one should not insist on returning to former attitudes or abilities.  But here’s where the process of change becomes even more confusing - while change is likely, there cannot be an expectation of change.  A recovery will always have unexpected outcomes - any multitude of preferences, attitudes, habits, and personality traits are just as likely to change as to not change - an attempt to steer one’s re-formation of identity as part of the healing process is unfair to the survivor and almost certain to have disappointing results.

A potential counter argument might be that brain injury can be looked at as a gift - of sorts - an opportunity to mold a healthier, more productive (positive) identity.  Trauma inspiring positive change is not unheard of and can be wonderful, but to approach recovery with a goal of change invites failure.

The above scene is a tricky example of this conflict - trying to change vs. trying to accept who one is.  For whatever reason, Sarah remembers being depressed - her self-destructive attitude - when she is listening to Tory Amos (a melancholy, pop pianist popular in the mid 1990s).  As part of her recovery, she has come to recognize dangers in depression inspired self-destructive behavior, and therefore wants to “fix” this part of herself.  One of her triggers, it seems, is the music of Tori Amos, and for this reason she attempts to remove that music from her life.  Sarah’s motivation is pure and her logic is not flawed, but I believe that attempting to suppress this part of herself - to “put a lid on it”, so to speak - will cause the more dangerous elements of her personality to brew and perhaps burst out of containment in sudden, potentially more harmful manners.  You can see those inner impulses seeping out for just a moment at the end of the scene - “but Still I hear Tori’s music and…” - but then the lid is snapped back and once more the “harmful” memory is repressed.

As of now, this is what reflecting on this scene brings up in me - I’m still working with some of the ideas, so I don’t consider this article completely finished yet.  With that in mind, I would love to hear your thoughts, agreements, counter arguments…please share with your friends and leave a comment below.

Scene 14 - Sarah's Future

****************Scene 14 - Sarah's Future******************

Sarah,
She Knows she can’t walk
can’t write, can’t Read

I know that I cannot Remember yesterday,
but I can keep getting better -
Keep on living
just, L-I-V-I-N
I just need to keep a Positive attitude,
Always looking forward -
Good energy,
because negative energy, it will RUIN you.

I know this because
before my accident, I was in a bad place,

Real depressed.
Hurting myself sometimes.
Listening to a lot of Tori Amos music.

And since the accident, I can’t remember much of anything,
but when I woke up, I remembered Tori’s music,
her words,

Now I have all her CDs so I put one in my Compact Disk player
and I began to sing her song and…

and it was
Sad,

made me, cry…

and That is not good for me,
so I took that CD and I broke it.
Snapped it right in half.
Then I looked for every Tori CD I could find and I broke them too.

but you know it’s funny.
I can’t,
can’t remember where I was yesterday,
what I ate,
sometimes the names of my children,
but Still I hear Tori’s music and…

But that is not Good for me.

************************************************

There’s a lot that happens in this scene, all of which deserve to be expanded upon.  For this reason I will break my reflections on this scene into two entries - the first about the importance of positivity, and the second (next posting) about the negativity that can easily follow.

To start - positivity - Sarah making the decision to heal.  Sarah approaches this decision with passion - accepting her condition but insisting on improving it - to paraphrase her thoughts, “I KNOW there is a long way to go, but I WILL assist my healing by keeping a positive attitude.”

Sarah’s commitment to healing is inspiring - and when I was involved with the Crumley House, the resident that inspired Sarah’s character would infect everyone with her insistence on a positive outlook.  She is focused on the Now - on what she can actively do to continue healing, and keeping a positive attitude is her decision to assist the healing process.

Can having a positive attitude improve healing?  According to recent medical research, the answer seems to be “Yes” - this must be qualified with a statement that a positive attitude does not cure diseases, create miracles, or work magic - but according to studies, there has been published proof that a positive attitude helps to reduce blood pressure, increase immune system response, and reduce pain levels. (http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2016/02/04/healing-thoughts.aspx)

Yet even if we discount this new research (as there is legitimate academic dispute about it), Sarah’s decision to keep and positive attitude and “keep L-I-V-I-N” can be interpreted in another manner - she has accepted the new circumstances in her life and realizes that she must adapt to her new life.  This does not necessarily mean biological healing, but can be interpreted as a decision to study, learn about and discovery how to make full use of her new abilities.  In the commentary to Scene 6, we discussed Sarah’s decision that she must make, suggesting that she must decide how will she accept and face her new reality.  This scene is an example of her making the choice to accept and make use of this new reality.

Unfortunately, the other side of positivity is negativity - and it hard to look at one side of the coin without at least glancing at the other.  After proudly proclaiming her positivity, Sarah stumbles into the dark negativity that hangs on from her past - we will discuss this negativity in the next entry.

Scene 13 - My Penis will be With You

I’m back.  Summer break is ending, and I hope you’ve had a great summer time.  After a wonderful vacation travel with my girlfriend, I’m excited to be home - getting ready to teach a new semester - and continue work with this blog.

That said, this first entry back is rather light hearted - help us to ease back into the material - I hope you enjoy.

**********Scene 13 - My Penis Will be with You*************

After I returned, my recovery continued rapidly.

We still had visitors at the hospital, though not in the same numbers as before,
and my best friend Ryan remembers one time when he came to visit me.

And it was weird.

I mean, here’s my best friend and he’s alive, but…

Well, he and I, we used to talk about things, you know, Talk, like…you know…

Books, Music,
Movies,
Chicks - we would Talk,
and here he is, having trouble forming complete sentences…

and it was weird.

My father sat in the corner, and he saw that it was hard for Ryan, but…

Well, it came time for Ryan to leave, and he stood to go, but I said,
“Wait, Ryan, where are you going?”

“Uhh…dude, I got to go I got, uh, band rehearsal.”

“Wait for me.  I’m want to go with you.”

Ryan, uncomfortable.

He knew I couldn’t actually go with him - that I had to stay here in the hospital, but did I know that?
He looked to my father for help, and my father quickly stood, coming over to say that what I wanted to do was nice by Ryan….

But I cut him off.

“No, I know I can’t be with you Physically,
but Ryan,
My Penis will be with you.”

And I laughed.

I had a made a joke.

This was big,
I mean, Joking.

Joking - it’s hard - abstract thought - its another way of thinking.

This joke - My Penis - it demonstrated a new level of cognition.

******************Commentary***************************

After decades of education and a wide variety of experiences - from youth until this very day - I appreciate a “Penis Joke.”  Genitalia are funny, male and female - peculiarly shaped organs that are responsible for the removal of waste and the creation of life - organs that instantly bring physical and emotional extremities of joy or pain decided by only slight variation in how they are handled - viewed with simultaneous repulsion and attraction - a necessary part of our humanity, yet considered taboo in many cultures.  I find this amalgamation of contradictions hilarious - and being in my late teen years at the time of my accident, I was at the ideal age for the infamous “penis jokes”.

Is there an awkward moment? - Say “Penis” - and this amplifies said awkwardness to a comical degree.  Laugh about it.

Laughter is a blessing - a phonetically meaningless rumbling from the gut recognized as joyful throughout the world - honest laughter demonstrates a moment when the body, mind, and soul harmoniously vibrate in unity.  In the scene above, with simple, shock based humor, I proclaim - “My penis will be with you!” - and we are given a reason to vibrate in laughter.

There is an understandable discomfort at the prospect of laughing in the face of tragedy - if a friend is in a dire situation it can seem disrespectful to dismiss their need with laughter - and if laughter spawns from any malicious or harmful impulse, then it is rude.  But if laughter makes light of a situation thrown at us by the maelstrom of existence, humor can lessen the impact.  Existence is funny, and too often we forget that - much comedy, after all, is merely tragedy viewed through a new lens.  To quote the great comic performer Mel Brooks, “Tragedy is when I stub my toe.  Comedy is when YOU fall into an open manhole and die.”

We grant personal existence with an exaggerated importance, and its well that we do - belief in personal importance is a part of what makes us want to survive, but the truth of the matter is that much, most, or perhaps all of life is a cosmic comedy when observed from afar…it is just hard to recognize this in middle of the scene.

All that is to say - when tragedy strikes and you are given a moment to laugh, take it - not as mockery of the suffering person, but laugh at the comedy of life.  Share that laughter - friends, family - vibrate together.