Responding to Suicidal Ideation (3/3)

This is the final post (3/3) concerning what to do about the question of suicide after brain injury.  The prior postings introduce the reason for this article (1/3) and share my suggestions to caregivers (2/3).  This final post is a message to survivors with my thoughts about suicide and why it is NOT the best option.  If you have not read the previous posts, I suggest you do so now.  Thank you for reading and please leave your thoughts below.

To Survivors

The choice is yours. 

Let’s be very clear on that. 

YOU must make the choice of whether YOU want to live.  You cannot rely on any other person to convince or inspire you to “continue living” — seeking such codependent support will strip away your personal autonomy and leave you always looking for that someone.  To live is a choice YOU must make.

But it makes sense to choose to live.

Making the choice to live is leaving yourself open to the infinite realm of possibility.  Life changes — that is inevitable — sometimes it’s in an instant and sometimes it’s over years — but life will change.  The only thing constant is change.  Sometimes change is a result of good or bad luck, and sometimes a result of choices made — I believe that most often it comes from some combination of these, but regardless change will come.

There are times when life may seem to be plush with luxury — and then that will change.  This same life may become filled with challenges that bore into the soul — but that too will change.  To employ an oft used metaphor — life is a rollercoaster with hills, valleys, steep climbs, fast falls, an unexpected and terrifying plunge, a stretch of calm that presents glorious views and leaves you breathless at the splendiferous beauty of the world, before tossing you into another stomach twisting tirade of turns  — every life has all of that, and each event is the result of change.

To end your life is to end change.  Don’t kid yourself — committing suicide is not fixing anything, but it is stopping change.  Once you die, your life will remain how it ends.  Mind, the life of those who care for you will be a marred by your passing — and once you’re dead, you can’t do anything to help.  You cannot win an argument with suicide — suicide will never “prove a point”, but it will end the debate.  Suicide will not bring revenge upon anyone — it will cause pain and sadness for those who love you, and this pain will necessarily be dealt with through reasoning, and then filed away into the shelving units of memory so that the pained person can continue to live.  Suicide does not combine with other events to cause anything — suicide does not Do anything — suicide is an end.

But a sad survivor may say, “I’ve given up any hope of change — any change that might occur will surely be negative.”


I ask, “How can this be known?  How can there be any assurance of a negative change?”

I continue by suggesting, “You have a choice in how a change is viewed.  Rarely — if ever — is an event all good or all bad — we make choices regarding the shades of emotion that are used to color events.  By making the choice to stay alive, you leave yourself open to change — and you can make the choice to recognize the positive elements of a change.“You are a survivor of brain injury.  The life you had before your injury has been inalterably affected — change has occurred.

Now choose how to accept that.”


Stripping away the “quotation marks,” I’ll tell you — the reader — that my life is not at all what I had intended when my brain injury occurred — how much of that is from brain injury and how much is from the infinite-other-changes-of-life is something that cannot be known.  Brain injury certainly caused some changes, and the events that came from these changes inspired still more changes. 

And Life occurred.  And now, here I am.  


To this day, there are countless moments when I regret never having felt secure enough to pursue my previously planned path, but there are more times when I recognize how blessed I am to have witnessed the journey of life I find myself on.  It is my choice — I have made the choice — to focus on the treasured moments that my life has led me to instead of the dreams I had once hoped to pursue.

But the sad survivor may spit a spiteful reply — “Well isn’t that good for your life.  My life is shit — I have no treasures — I don’t expect any.  There is nothing to celebrate.”


And it is a choice to take that view — at times a tempting choice.  It is easy to see only pain and, in some sick way, it is a temporarily pleasurable to bask in the bile of self-pity — but the pleasure does not last.  There have been times when I have made this choice to wallow in misery  — but in my experience, I found  that the anger and hatred and agony quickly overcame any comfort that I found in masochistic self-pity — but this is a choice one can make.

Or you can change what you see.  You can choose to recognize pleasures that reside in the decision to live.  It takes practice — it takes patience — it takes dogged determination — but I say with confidence that there are times — things — events you can appreciate.


One way to practice this — begin small.  Find a thing that makes you smile — an instant, a smell, a taste, an image — find anything that give you the slight nip of joy.  Push yourself to find this nip — go for a walk, look out the window, listen to music, watch a movie, do something — just get outside yourself to discover what can give joy.  Then write it down — document it — store it in your heart — and then look for the next joyful nip.


Choose to find five things a day — and once you find those five things, find ten more — and then find more — and it can become a habit to document joy.

 Try it — let me know how it goes.

Or try a different way — the choice is yours.

It is always your choice — as long as you are alive, you have a choice.


Thank you for choosing to read this.  I would love your comments on this blog or facebook — messages to hear how these words reach you.  And please share with anyone you think might be helped.  This was a difficult entry to write, and I would appreciate knowing your thoughts.